What the hell am I doing drinking in L.A. at twenty-six?—was a rhetorical question. I’ll answer it anyway.
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"But we did nothing. Absolutely bupkis that day."
There’s a reason why Bran Van 3000’s “Drinking in L.A.” remains a staple in many 90s era playlists—and it goes beyond the catchy guitar riff.
It’s 'cause the lyrics are relatable, perhaps to a painful degree.
We’ve all been there—or we’re there now—coasting on autopilot, indulging in our vices, wasting away our best years… all of it seemingly without a care in the world.
And yet we do care, often to the point of anxiety. We're constantly bracing for the consequences of procrastination, yet we can’t help ourselves.
Which leads to questions like…
What the hell am I doing drinking in L.A. at twenty six?
The problem isn't that you're devoid of ideas, passions and ambitions. Nor do you lack integrity and good values.
The problem is that you’re devoid of—or depleted of, to be more accurate—reasons to pursue your goals.
I don’t mean conscious reasons to get moving. You have those in droves: working on that movie (or business idea, creative project, career pivot, etc.) can get you everything you’ve been dreaming of, from financial security, to an exciting and fulfilling lifestyle.
No, what you lack are subconscious reasons to work.
You lack the required precursors of motivation; the valve leading to your energy stores are shut tight; you don't have access to the caloric fuel needed to pursue a goal.
And it's not a valve you can just turn manually using inspiration or willpower. The valve is linked to the inputs of your environment; it's automated based on the stimulation and thus the messaging that is being set to your subconscious brain.
…
The song isn’t called Drinking in Montreal—where the band comes from and where, for half the year, you’ll need to don an Inuit parka to walk the dog.
It’s Drinking in LA: land of perpetually summer and endless streaks of cloudless, balmy days.
You’re spending all your time in your own perverted version of LA—a cushy dream-land simulation where all your survival needs are instantly met. There’s no need for urgency and motivation—not when it's so nice outside, and where yesterday is the same as today is the same as tomorrow.
Think about it.
You should be made to feel the pressure of the competition, the threat of potentially not being good enough, and the regrets of having fallen behind—enough to get you to perk up and do all you can to change course and prevail—but you indulge in alcohol or comfort foods to numb away these stresses.
You should be made to feel the need to hustle, to gain skills and competencies, to form alliances and collaborate with high status people (and maybe even attract one as a mate)—but social media and porn work wonders to scratch at these primitive itches, leaving you lazy and apathetic.
And you should have a youthful zeal to set off on long-term figurative and literal quests, to overcome obstacles and collect a prize—but you don’t have any incentive to put in effort and take on risks. Why would you when videogames and action packed Netflix series have you live through these experiences vicariously, all without leaving the couch?
In short, the rewards of your vices are signaling to your subconscious brain that you’re surviving exceptionally well. Your subconscious—the motivation valve operator—has learned that any threat or stress can be dealt with in an instant; that nothing in your environment is demanding the expenditure of precious calories.
It thinks it's sunny and breezy outside, that you're with the coolest entourage, and you've accomplished all sorts of goals. Time to just chill and drink.
...
I know that life is for the taking, so I'd better wise up, and take it quickly…
So how do we wise up? How can we unlock the motivation to work hard in the pursuit our dreams?
On one hand it’s easy: leave the comfort of LA. Stop—or at least cut back—on your vices. With time, the valve will turn and your suppressed motivation will return.
On the other hand it’s anything but. The advice of “just stop” or “just moderate” is as patronizing and impractical to you as it is to the song's struggling screenwriter, who uses alcohol and self-deception to escape self-doubt, rejections and eviction notices.
What you need is a sequence of steps that addresses the core causes of your impulses, habits and patterns.
Here’s a link to a free PDF containing a method that’s worked for me and many others to break bad habits (and I strongly recommend you also join the free Discord that’s designed to get you to apply the method with support and accountability). It’s long so here are the key takeaways:
Start by taking a step back to explore and understand your triggers and habits (including all parts of the cue→routine→reward cycle). There's a very good chance that these are hidden to you, so seeking out professional help may be key.
Make a commitment to offer yourself self-compassion and forgiveness instantly and unconditionally when (and not if) you slip-up. Your binges and doom-scrolling tendencies are the result of the vice feedback loop (Imgur link), where you are compelled to indulge in your vice to relieve away the self-contempt and stress of procrastinating (caused, ironically, by overdoing it with the vices).
Set your Rules. Make it clear what’s in and what’s out in terms of habits. Make it clear what sort of allowances you are making. “One fist-sized serving of carbs at dinner” is better than “eat less carbs”.
Set your Rigmaroles. These are your little routines that increases the odds of you following your rules and having a good day. This is setting your running shoes by front door so you're prompted to go for a run when you get home from work. This is writing out a detailed plan of action before you begin a work session. Or it’s going through mindfulness check-list to get your day started.
Commit to iterating. What you set in steps 3 and 4 are guesses at what’s ideal and optimal for you. Using self-compassion (Step 1), convert each slip-up or failure as a learning opportunity. Don't get mad, get data: using an objective reflection of what went wrong and when, modify your rules and fine tune your rigmaroles. Maybe allowing for YouTube at lunch is not feasible. Maybe you also need to also do a mindfulness prompt after your lunch break. Then start again.
…
I got the fever for the flavor
The payback will be later
Still I need a fix
It's crazy how easily we can behave in illogical and self-defeating ways.
But it all makes perfect sense once we understand our biological drives and how ill fitted they are to our current modern environment.
I speak of self-forgiveness because you deserve forgiveness. We all do.
As someone who’s struggled for decades with cycles of procrastination and self-contempt, I’ve come to believe that no-one should feel shame about their struggles. Breaking bad habits is not easy. Everyone ought to have the resources, support and tools needed to grow in self-love, break out of their rut and live a healthy and happy life.
I sincerely hope this helps and wish you well in all your future endeavors. I’m rooting for you.
You got this.
- Simon ㋛
This article was also posted to Reddit. Reach here for comments and votes.
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