Why you can never eat just a single row of chocolate...
...or eat a handful of chips, or watch just 1 episode on Netflix, or play videogames for 1 hour... and what to do about it.
You’re at the grocery store.
Like a pro, you shop the perimeter—veg, fruits, meats. Good stuff, no junk. You even make it by the ice cream section unscathed.
But then… as you make your way to the cash, the corner of your periphery catches the deep blues and reds of the Lindt chocolate display (or the cracker isle, or chips section, or whatever else your snack-crack may be). You look down at your basket, which has less carbs per capita than at a keto convention, and you think to yourself.
You know what….eff it. I could allow for one single primo treat... This time though, I’ll eat it slowly, instead of all in one sitting. Yeah, just one row per day. I’m an adult, right? I can ration it sensibly—make it last a few days—enjoy it to the fullest extent…
So you get home; you unpack the bags while you pretend to your SO like you’ve completely forgot about the existence of the treat (“oh right, this thing! I forgot. Want some?”).
You proceed to eat and enjoy that first row. With a smile, you wrap it up and place it deep in the cupboard behind the canned goods.
Then you g̶o̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶p̶e̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶c̶e̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶a̶c̶c̶o̶m̶p̶l̶i̶s̶h̶ y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶g̶o̶a̶l̶s̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶g̶o̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶9̶3̶0̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶j̶o̶u̶r̶n̶a̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶g̶r̶a̶t̶e̶f̶u̶l̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ proceed to pace around like a crack-fiend until you break and eat the next row, then the next, then the next, until you’re licking the wrapper in desperation for another morsel.
For a second, you’re all like #noregrets, until that moment passes and you’re like #okpureregrets.
So… let’s pause the tape and rewind back to the grocery store as you approach and stand facing the snack section.
Knowing your inevitable fate, you might question your confidence of this moment. You might ask yourself well, how can I actually pull this off? How the heck does one manage to eat just a single row of chocolate per day? (Or take a week to finish a bag of chips? Or—to extend beyond snacking—how can I play videogames for an hour then call it a night? Or turn off Netflix after 2 episodes? Or Close YouTube once I finished watching the new vids of my current subs?)
In other words: How can I do the thing in the amount that would provide a net benefit to my life, without it snowballing out of control into upset stomachs or wasted evenings?
For the longest time, I was obsessed with finding the answer.
I’d venture you’re the same—for as long as man has been around vices, so too has existed the struggle to moderate (and with it, the ill consequences of reckless abandon).
The reality is… there is no answer to this question. No solution here. Short of lobotomizing the pleasure centers of your brain… you’re either going to be overtaken by dopamine fueled impulses that’ll drive you to a binge, or you’ll have to summon and sustain super-human levels of willpower to not do what every fiber in you is begging for.
The dreamland of 1 row of chocolate, 1 hour of videogames, 1 episode of Netflix, 1 check-in to YouTube… followed by a satiety and bliss… simply does not exist.
It cannot exist.
Why?
Well, they say the invention of the automobile—for all its wonder and convenience—came at the price of the invention of the car crash1.
In the same way, with the invention of chocolate came the invention of wanting chocolate.
With the pleasure of chocolate comes the inevitable suffering of desiring more of it. This is because chocolate, composed of sugar and fat, directly influences your brain so that a little dose triggers certain parts of your brain that has you wanting more, not less.
The notion that all you need is a little “fix” is just not true (as proven by all your failed attempts at moderation).
This is at the very core of all vices. Chocolate is not just good. Kale is good. But what separates kale from chocolate is the fact that it doesn’t lead to discomfort after you ingest it.
Wanting chocolate (or sugar and fat, more accurately), while you know more of it is right there tucked away in the cupboard, is a legitimately painful experience. Un-satiated desires is agonizing.
So… you end up eating row number 2—not because you’re chasing the next hit of pleasure, but because you’re experiencing the agonizing lack of sugar, and what you want is relief 2.
So, what I’ve come to realize is that—when standing in front of the snack isle, or when I open Reddit with the idea to check real quick —I’ve been asking myself the wrong question.
The question isn’t
how can I moderate my vices?
It’s
what choice am I really making here? What am I about to experience? What do I do, knowing that, if I decide to indulge in the vice, there is going to be much more discomfort generated through wanting more of it?
My choices are therefore:
fully abstain, then experience the discomfort of not getting what seems like a harmless, good way to enjoy my life.
attempt moderation, then experience the major discomfort of wanting more than I committed to.
not kid myself and just go with the flow, then experience the pain and regret of overdoing it.
I’m not even pushing for one way or another. There is no miracle option.
A year ago I might have insisted on 1., full abstinence.
I would have said that the only way is to go ZERO vice. But even that path can be argued as a net negative; call it an opportunity cost, call it missing out on life.
I mean, there is nothing redeeming about say cigarette smoke, but there can be bliss in savoring a few premium squares of milk chocolate, or enjoying the experience of an immersive videogame, thrilling movie or insightful YouTube vid, or whatever else.
But when those things come to an end, there will be pain. There must be pain—that’s just how we’re wired3.
There is no perfect path without suffering or sacrifice.
There is only knowledge.
Now, I just know what I’m in for. If I choose the chocolate (or Reddit, YouTube, etc), I am later able to home-in on the eventual suffering of moderation using some mindfulness… It sucks, by I often make it through.
... or else I’m compassionate with myself when I eat the whole bar (or binge for a few hours), after my willpower dies out and the compulsions take over.
I also often decide to forgo the chocolate because I know through experience, for all it’ll give me, there will be pain with it. I can then lucidly deem that indulging is just not worth it… for now at least. Maybe next time. Same with movies, videogames, Reddit scrolling and all my other vices.
That is the take home of this post: you should come to a place of making decisions to forego your vices, not (just) because of some long-term goals or desire to ‘get disciplined’, but because you know that they’ll lead to pain and discomfort.
For most of our vices, the bad greatly outweighs the potential for momentary pleasure.
With that, you’ll see it as just not worth it, that zero is actually better than moderation, so it’ll be easier to leave it behind.
This is life. It’s tricky. Messy sometimes too.
But just knowing and understanding things from a more truthful perspective can go a long way to navigating life with a little more peace of mind, moderated pleasure and managed discomfort.
- Simon ㋛
1 - in fact, as this YouTube vid amazingly describes, until people were acclimated to fast moving hunks of metal, the amount of pedestrian accidents were borderline criminal (awesome channel btw. very much recommend the sub).j
2 - This idea was popularized by Allen Carr in his book The Easyway to Stop Smoking. The book aims at convincing the reader that they don’t actually smoke because ingesting the exhaust of burned leaves is tasty or magically calming. They smoke because there’s something cunning in the tobacco plant. When ingested, it leaves smokers with an uncomfortable and irritable feeling… and the only cure to that discomfort is to take more of it in (thus causing a feedback loop of addiction).
Carr makes the reader no longer seeing cigarettes as something beautiful to sacrifice. No; it’s actually the thing that causes all their misery. That shift in perspective has apparently been enough to get tens of thousands of people ditch the habit for good.
3 - That’s the real role of dopamine. It doesn’t cause the feeling of pleasure, rather it fuels the motivation to satisfy and resolve uncomfortable desires. The promise of a little pleasure is what helps you to rationalize, but really it’s all about relieving that bad feeling.